I've lost three pound so far. I'm truly glad about that but I have a long way to go. I have been pretty sad lately though. I cried today at work thinking of Sam. He's called me a goddess a few times. God he adored me. He really loved me. How can he just turn that off? Holidays are the fucking worst. I totally skipped out on Easter. He's always been with me. Holidays have had added happiness because I had him. I hope he comes back, otherwise I am getting thin to look  good in my casket. I miss him deeply. He was my other half. We complimented each other so well. How can that have felt wrong to him? It hurts me more than words will ever be able to express. He used to answer the phone, "Yes, my Queen?" This life is shit without him. Suicide is definitely still on the table. I should have the money by next week for the scripts. I hate this life.

I have an ana-txting buddy. Ana is seriously the only thing keeping me going.

Michelle's boyfriend just moved out so ... there goes that friendship. That ship sailed awhile ago though. Sam always said she was a shitty friend. He truly disliked her... mainly because she is selfish and completely fake. Her main priority has always been herself. She's really stuck up like that. Sam would always say, "She's your best friend," in a slightly sarcastic way...He wrote  a really nasty untitled blog  about her on facebook. I guess it was technically a "note" then. He always said if we ever broke up that he'd tell her that blog was about her. She's been good to me in the past and she DID visit me in the hospital... but... She's always been a little fake. Maybe me and her will rekindle our long lost bro-mance. I doubt it. I think I put the final nail in the coffin of our friendship when I tried to kill myself. I know it really pissed her off. And I know she doesn't  understand me. I don't think she wants to any more though...

I can't believe I've lost three pounds! I'm excited for how much I will weight next week. I have a church group tonight so... ehhh. They serve cookies, and cinnamon rolls, and muffins and all kinds of crap there. I really don't want to go to this church group... not because of the food but because I feel full of shit when I talk there... like... I'm saying what I'm supposed to say not what I think... although ...I did feel something last week. Getting better doesn't matter to me any more. Getting thin does. And getting Sam back most importantly. I'm so done with blabbering. Here's to the daily thinspo.