hitting every branch on the way down

I hung out with Chris again tonight. Michelle and Justin were there. Eh. Justin was less creepy. ... hope he's getting the hint. I'm watching Criminal Minds... kinda. I've seen nearly every single episode...so really I'm not watching it. Just an excuse to see the Gube... who looks exactly like Sam. I cried at the bar tonight. In public.  I also sang... Chris goes to karaoke bars all the time... he finally found his voice. ha. I always told him he could sing. He can. Pretty good. Sam could sing too. I ate so much today it's gross. I had two scoops of vanilla ice cream, which is about 200 cals. And half a slice of cake. Then for dinner I had roasted chicken, roasted veggies and sun chips. F A T. Yeah super pissed at myself. Work tomorrow. Should be easy to fast. Watermelon only twice a day. Half a smoothie. Approximately 250 cals all day. I'm excited. Cycle is almost over so I can workout again and I can weight myself on Tuesday morning. I says Tues so I can have a two powerful workouts under my belt before I weigh-in again. I think I'm falling for Chris again. I hope not. I don't think so. I'm still too in love with Sam. I've been watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip... been making me feel okay with life. Making me feel I NEED to leave to L.A. I gotta get that Juke first... awesome eco friendly and super cute car. I miss Sam.  I love him so much. I hate my life. Suicide is still an option. It's more an option when I'm alone. I can't wait to die... I can't wait to leave. I hate this life.  I hate this world. I don't belong here. I love you Sam. Please  come back to me...

she's so perfect and tiny...