can't live

Got in a fight with Bekah today. Hannah the human poison, poisoned me. I've been thinking a lot about death lately. There's only one website that actually has suicide methods listed. It's my favorite site. I've been watching the suicide scene from Rules of Attraction a lot. I'm thinking of taking every pill I have. Surely, I have enough to put me in a coma. I want to die so badly. I realized today how pathetic I am. How I have NO friends. My phone is on the fritz and it truly does not matter because I really have no one to call or text. I've been bothering Chris a lot. Michelle too. Their responses are very slight. Even though I am losing weight... I still want to die. I should keep  binging and purging... it destroy my useless heart so it will never beat again (that's partially a Motion City Soundtrack quote). I don't have a car. I have a shit job. My love left me. I'm fat. I want a cigarette so bad. And a drink. I want to b/p so bad right now. We don't have enough food in the house for a binge though. If I can take my mom's car I will go to Jack in the Box. That's my binge food. It's so gross and terrible for you. . But you can get anything there: milkshake, burger, curly fries, tacos, "chinese," funnel cake... anything! Guh... I wanna purge just thinking about it. Let's face it. Bulimia and cigarettes are really on my side right now. I'm going to the river on Saturday with Hannah. I hate myself. I'm gonna take an ambien...and drink a lot. Maybe I will drown. I feel really fucking worthless right now...