disappointment

listening to Yeah, No... I know by Boys Night Out

I ate fast food. Haven't had it in months. Got more drunk. Wasn't even hungry. It was super greasy and disgusting and now  I feel so full but I'm scared to purge. My stomach hurts so bad. I deserve this. I will be working out so hard tomorrow. I wanna try for two hours. Day off. I hope I can stay home workout and nap all day. Hannah got more pills but I think Bekah told her not to give them to me. Just a feeling I have. I might have to purge. I feel like shit. Fast food = the goddamn devil (Sarah Marshall joke). Guh. I will N E V E R eat like this again. SO not worth it. My stomach is quivering. I haven't eaten shit in such a long time. My  body is going toxic on me. Also it's like 4:30am and I am wide awake. Not even drunk any more. Just shaky from the gross food. Ew. I had done not too terrible today too! I so fucking suck. Thank God this blog is anonymous so I can say how I really feel about all of this... I miss Sam more than I want to live. I will always have this blog. I will always have this blind honesty. It's like closing your eyes and not knowing if anyone is around and knowing that if anyone does listen to what you have to say that they won't hold it against you. They just listen. Just take it in and walk away. It's the fucking best. I'm doing a water fast tomorrow. No more drinking. I always eat when I drink and that shit needs to stop. And I curse way more. Ew. I need to stop smoking too. Super Ew. Water fast for the weekend. I hear you lose crazy weight doing that. Not real strength training just crazy cardio. I got my sauna suit so I am excites! I'm gonna sweat like crazy! Ugh. A wave of nausea followed by a deep yawn just hit me... ugh. I hope I don't purge... I won't make myself do it. That's how I feel. I won't FORCE it. But if my body can't handle what I did to it then I won't fight the purge. Ugh. I'm done.