hate

i hate myself. i am really really drunk. i hate that i am typing this. i tried killing myself again.couldn't cut deep enough. i couldn't...the pain feels good  because i deserve it... it's so weird to form coherent thoughts...i miss him. God I miss him.  I almost drove  by his house tonight... I have soooooooooooooooooo much alcohol in my system and I took three bendryl again. Not trying to die, trying to sleep...but how when all I think is of him... all the times we made love... I  met a greek goddess tonight... not gonna say her name...just that shes the god of war. Gonna  call her Minerva... she feels my pain. Shes the person I wanna be. Sorry about all the typos. I hate the state farm guy... yeah my tv is on... hate that guy. my feet keep wiggling. omfg. a commercial for the social network is on...that was SO our movie... we felt it in a way that so many people  didn't get... how am igonnalive  without him... i wish i knew how to cut deep enough.....i dont want to live. i dont  want to go to work  tomorrow or see anyone... guh Chris was with this girl tonight... stupid blonde... she was his dd.... i offered to be his dd... guess im too fat to be a dd...i totally ignored ana tonight...good thing pathetic justin was there to pick up the tab. lose.r i hate myself.
i hate this life.
i hate this life.
i hate this life.
i hope hannah gives me her scripts. i will  pay her. i need to die. vodka +  scripts = death=happy

come back to me my love

come back to me...


i can't live without you

i am drunk enough to post a picture of  us (highyl distorted) on new years...our new year's kiss and ...his favorite celebrity... he loved her... i think its for her tiny body... i want him back GOD give him back PLEASE??? I am nothing...goodnight... i might delete this post.....