I just remembered something he told me after we broke up... he told me I should watch Eat Pray Love or something. What an ass-hole thing so say. I hope when I kill myself that my death is something  he is guilt-ed with for the rest of his life... no I don't. I just want the pain to end. I think it's more pathetic to "get better" because it means you were never truly hurt to begin with. It means you and all your emotions are stupid and that you're completely full of shit. How can  someone move on from someone they truly and deeply loved? You don't move on. It's not possible and if you think that you can move on... you were never in love to begin with. I can sleep soon. I watched White Oleander today. I ate three crackers and four pieces  of watermelon. I'm fat as hell though. I'm still worthless and ugly. I got a netflix account today. I like to zone out and ignore the world. I think I've left my room maybe six or seven times all day. Weekends are the worst.
"It has been said 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind (protecting its sanity), covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, is never gone." Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy
My annoying loud ass family is here. Drinking and playing poker. I hate this shit. Now I'm SERIOUSLY trapped in my room. Time to netflix it.