friday night maybe

So I am D R U N K. The past few days it softly rained and then yesterday is rained really good. I loved it. I miss Sam. I thought about how we made love one time in my kitchen... We were so into it and then someone came home and we had to scurry off to my room. I love him. I hate this  life. I lost a pound this morning. I'm not gonna eat for the rest of the day so I can keep it off. I will probably drink later at a friend's party. I've been smoking lately, don't  know if I mentioned it. I smoked today. I hate smoking. It is a dreadful pain only endured because I deserve pain... I hate myself. A co-worker wouldn't shut up today about how shocked he was about Sam leaving me. Yeah, well I was pretty fucking shocked too so  shut the fuck up! :( That stupid Taylor Swift song came on today... one time around or before Christmas, me, Hannah, Sam and another girl from work  were at a diner and that song came on  and I said how  sad it was because ya know it's not a fairytale and you're not a princess... and then Sam said, "you're my princess" and then he kissed my cheek and neck and I never felt so happy... and now I am nothing. I am shit.  I am a single loser  who had to beg my friend to  have a party tonight just so I had something to do... I fucking suck. I really wanted Chris to be there... just maybe so I could have the chance of making some mistake but he has his military weekend so :( i hate my life i hate my life. I just started the song on my itunes. White Horse, by Taylor Swift. I wish I was strong... like some other girl who writes songs or gets her careers started because her love was destroyed. I wish I wish that I could be that girl... strong... happy... independent and driven... shit. I was... who am I now?

 

he was super in love with Alexandra Lawn from Ra Ra Riot... she's super thin

seen her in real life. thin as hell. beautiful.