cruelty

I've been dreaming about Sam. Cruel. Hurtful. I miss him. His tenderness. The way we would make love. I've been fantasizing about how I will kill myself. I keep trying to think about who I could get to get me some scripts. I think there are a few people at work who will have the right mixture of stuff. It sucks because everyone thinks I am better now. I'm not. I still would rather die than get better. I'm at about 400 calories for the day. I hope I can stay under 500. I am so burned. I have to go back to  work today. My step-mom said she pay for my new tire and rim. So that's a load off. I can't ever get my head above water. I'm applying for new jobs on Wednesday. I hate my life.