i want you to notice

Listening to Creep by Radiohead. Waiting for netflix to load Shutter Island. Have to see family tomorrow. Might have to purge tomorrow. I'm prolly gonna purge tomorrow and buy the ONE coconut water to replenish my electrolytes that I will lose from purging... I caved and ate. I'm such a worthless sack of shit. I'm so fucking fat. I had half of a chicken bouillon cube and loaded it with peppers  parsley and cayenne. Hopefully I can digest those ten cals quickly. I also ate a small bite size hershey special dark chocolate bar. Fat fat fat. The girl on the ana website I visit who was my most inspiring had to get rid of her page because a friend found her on it ... that's why I won't use a real photo or a real name. She was 5'2 just like me and she got down to like 97lbs - she looked amazing. I'd have to lose 100lbs or  so to be that small. I hate myself. I'm still hungry so that's a good thing. *sigh* gonna watch this movie now. can't wait till my cycle is over  so I can starting running and sweating really good again. Maybe I will lose enough weight to skip my cycle completely next month. That'd be great... of course...i don't really want to be alive next month... that's all for now.