Must be somethin'

New Person. New Feels.

Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

I wish you would...

I can't help the way my head turned and stared,
my guilty ears
having heard your voice
I was captivated
There was something there
Like nothing else
and I was gone
I see the flakes of our existence
Burn into the embers of who we could be
____________________________________


Broken pieces of
who I might have been
bleed together and burn my eyes
my heart in its oblivion
not ready for something so honest
so much like myself
and so different
to be understood so completely
my words
your lips
and we feel everything
in the same moment ...
just not for one another
spells cast in the wrong direction
making us the same forever

Same horrible shit in another decade

I would have bet good money I was over this. But this rain is relentless and I found a way to convince people that its okay for me to have an eating disorder. I'm vegan. Also, I found another way to ruin my life. Develope new feelings for a friend that is the same sex and one who is the opposite sex while knowing full well that both will reject you. I guess I'm bisexual...? I don't know. But I know I fucked up. I must have been too stoked to see one of them one day because I've already gotten inadvertently rejected. "I don't hookup with my friends." Cool. Solid. Probably really fucking smart. Not said to me because I made a move, but said to prevent me from making one.
I'm smoking again. Have been since before Christmas.
It's so weird to have people pretend to care that I am getting enough to eat. Because I'm still massive. Scales don't lie.

I bet my friend's stalker reads this what with being so clever with hacking. Hi fucker! They still hate you. And will forever.

Elliot Smith is so dope.

Here's some lame poetry.

Not so different
you're all so confident
and the same
worshipping at the same temple of sleaze
wanting more than you deserve
claiming desires for compassion
and the need to be understood
but it's all a clever guise
designed to conceal and hide
you're garbage and you know it
unable to change your tricks
you remain cold and loveless
...or maybe I'm just an over sensitive idiot