denialustin

So. Fat. Ugly. Practically a new virgin. Almost positive that  Beth betrayed me. Been c o m p l e t e l y infatuated with this guy, let's call him, Chase, since I moved here.  Nearly in love w this guy. Quietly and painfully. Beth had a secret and drunken conversation w him. *blows brains across the wall* Grrrrreat. ALSO! I took my ativan at 3.45am. its now 3.53am so we will see how this goes. real drug or fakies. FML. time for a new state? IDK? we'll see. fat, ugly. all the men always want my friends and not me. :( soml. fml. im gonna pass out now. didn't eat tho! thank god! hatehate hate myself.

inner beauty

loathe

I've been doing well. Until today. Cheese sticks. Four pieces of cheese (cheese and fruit box from Starbucks) apples. Lemonade. Beer. 2 Cocktails. Hotwings. Three donuts. I purged. I haven't wanted to cut this bad in a long time. I hate myself. I have work at 830am. I think I will cut after. My legs. Less obvious. I hate myself. I bought ativan. Maybe. Just maybe. I hate myself.  My life. My stupid fucking existance. Michelle always told me to hold on to Buffy. At least I have that. Well this episode is all teary eyed and what not. Ha. If only  it was real. The plot to end it has  begun. I'm going to  kill myself.