shame thru windows

Well it's been awhile. I am at an all time fat. I tried doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and I was beat to shit for like three days after. My CW is 220. I am ashamed and humiliated. It's time for me to get my shit together. And it will be much more difficult this time around. I have a boyfriend. Who is wonderful and kind and who loves me as I am. Gross. It's gonna be tricky to not eat around him. I could just tell him that I am trying to eat better and not eat so late at night. I also need to caffeinated much better. When I was better caffeinated in the past I was thinner. Also I applied for college. I'm trying to make my life less joke like.