vino

My last liquid fast was last week, according to my new thinspo journal. I lost my old one so I swung by Target and bought up some fitness/gossip/fashion mags, a journal, cheap markers, tape and scissors and started a new thinspo journal. Anyhow, I totally rocked my liquid fast. I fucking failed today. I think I NEED to incorporate green tea in order to see it thru. I'm going to try again on Thursday. At least  I worked in a good sweat today. I will be hitting up the gym on my next two days off :D I visit home in three months. I need to shed like 30lbs to feel "okay" about my body. Next week I start a super intense detox. "The Detox" as I have come to know it. No alcohol. No sugar. No bread. No meat other than fish. Veggies, fruits and fish!! I will be sexy when I visit home.... if it fucking kills me. I'm off to smoke a delicious ciggarette and to watch Factory Girl <3 I will be lean!

anger

Michelle is a stupid bitch. She is just like Sam. Selfish. Greedy. Immoral. Promiscuous... she cheated on her girlfriend and left her for someone else. Actually, no. Michelle gf had to be the bigger person and say fuck off and die to Michelle. And now Michelle keeps whining about how her gf made her miserable and how she is so happy without her gf who she begged to purpose. I just don't understand stupid women like this. They're evil, self-serving and diabolically selfish... watching her do to her gf the same thing Sam did to me... it's the worst. And I have to stand by her side because she's my half-sister/best friend... it's so fucking unfair. I want to tell her what a slut she is. I want to tell her that she doesn't deserve all the money she has and the narrow waist she owns. She doesn't deserve long blonde hair or beautiful hazle eyes. She deserves to be fat, ugly, alone and miserable because she is a fucking evil heartbreaker and I will a l w a y s hate her just a little bit. I'm jealous, it's true. But only of her shape. She has an ugly face and an uglier heart.

walk

drunk fat someone thought i was a fatass bitch at work today. i was depressed. i drank a whole bottle of wine. gonna walk for miles tomorrow. no food. maybe cheese. broth and wine only. cigarettes a must. i wanna smoke. i want wine. gonna do both since i lives  on my onisies now. fuck all!