creep

I was invited to go to the beach next weekend. :(
I've been hanging out with Hannah again. I'm gonna try to keep my space because she keeps saying that she knows exactly how I feel and it's kind of pissing me off.
I can't wait till tomorrow. I'm gonna hang out with Chloe. I can't cry around her since we've left treatment and ... she makes me ... happy and far away from the life I know.
I've done my best to get rid of all the things I've stolen. That sounds so shitty just ... ugh. I hate that I've stolen things. I've been giving a lot of things away because I've stolen them. I don't need them because they were never mine. I need to get a handle on my anger. I don't let it show...I mean people say they can see that I'm angry because they can see it in my eyes but...I don't go around breaking things.
I think I will be okay this time around, when hanging out with Hannah because I am not going to let her manipulate me or trick me into doing things. I need to learn to just say no, I don't want too. Or that's not my thing... or something that can adequately say piss off, without saying it. I don't like being that vulgar. It's not who I am. I had a mimosa last night... gave me a horrible headache so yeah no more drinking. Not worth it. I'm still suicidal. I'm trying to "be okay" just because should Sam come back to me I don't want to be all messed up. I want to be ... well, I am not sure if I can be happy, but I'd like to be content or at peace in some way. I miss him. God, do I miss him...

Had to eat again today. Thanks for making dinner every night mum! *sigh* It's all I've had all day so I figure that's not too bad AND I've been telling her to stop preparing meals with so much bread or we will all get fat and unhealthy. She said she knows and she will try to cut back. Thank God! I love her and I do love spending that time with my family at dinner but... it'd be easier if they all wanted salad without dressing and apples for dessert... Today's thinspo. I am in love with Natalie Portman, so I will be posting her more often.:)