It's been a rough couple of days that I have been delaying the ordeal or rehashing. Stupid Hannah was talking to Sam over facebook and he might be drinking now. I started crying so hard when she told me, I nearly collapsed. I can't remember when I cried that hard. Well, WELL before my hospital stay. The episode of Buffy featuring this song, is loading. I've always been in love with this song though. This version in particular. I spent the first half of this day in an ambien daze. I accidently took my double dose of my anti-depressant too close together, plus I was "hung over" from the ambien and I felt stupid stoned today. And depressed. I couldn't stop crying. Last night was bad too right before I went out with Michelle. We hung out at Dave & Busters for her friend's birthday. A guy I used to date, a model-gorgeous guy, was supposed to be there. No luck. Sam is WAY hotter than him though. Sam is so beautiful. Michelle hesistated when I asked her if I set the bar too high with Sam. I did. He's so beautiful. Fuck. My life still sucks. I'm almost out of Ambien. I've been binging A LOT. Twice without purging. Good thing my mom is guilting me about buying healthy food and me not eating it. I am going to do the cardiac diet starting tomorrow. It's easier on weekends sometimes. *sigh* I hate being fat. Most of all I hate being me. Hannah bought me dinner tonight. It was nice. Then I went to her house and smoked two bowls of hookah. I love that spacey feeling I get. Alright. It's Buffy time. I might post later.
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