brand new

listening to After All that it's Come to This by Amos the Transparent

I purged. Everything. From the healthy chicken and carrots (how British of me) from around 6pm, to the chips and salsa and jalapenos (probably a good thing), to whatever was left of margaritas in my system, to the breakfast Jack from Jack in the Box (Sam always got those, with strawberry and grape jelly), to the two jr. bacon cheeseburgers with Frank's Red Hot sauce... I'd say I got 90% of it purged. Oh! I forgot to mention the empanada, which was gross, I only like pumpkin and I ate pineapple one  during my first feast along with a quesadilla. So all in all, I am pretty disgusting. My throat burns from ripping all the spices back out of it. I took another Ambien, because I assume I barfed up the other one. I am so tired. I was sweating and dazing during the purge. My back started to hurt, I  purge standing up. My step-mom caught me on my way out to get the food. She also waited up  for me... so... I REALLY hope she didn't catch me purge. I really want to die. I fucking hate life. Purging is my best friend in that sense. Purging is my only fucking friend. I wish I was brave enough to slash my writs... I think about it every single day. How I want to take a knife and do  what Sam did... just slam it down on my wrist... Alright. I am going to sleep now. Empty.