death is crying

Death is crying loud enough for anyone to hear but no one is around. I've had two glasses of White Merlot and an Ambien. I'm gonna try again soon. I am going to do it soon. I will go to him and try to kiss him and he will deny me and I wish I had a gun so I could do it fast. But I know he will deny my affection so I will take the pills first. I will have my last meal early in the day. Then I will spend the  day making myself pretty - tanning, pedicure, get my hair done, and find my best outfit. Then at night I will drive to  his place. I will beckon him outside and look into his perfect brown eyes and take in for as long as I'm allowed, all of his beauty. Then  I will go for the kiss. The love-making proposition. And when he denies me, which he will, it won't matter because I will be so full of pills death will already be upon me. I'm anxious to die and get  rid of  this  life. I loathe it. I  love my room but hate my reflection in the mirror. Love my family, but have the love or no other. All my friends are too busy for me. Well, now they can live burden free  lives. Time to finish Buffy. I will write every day until I can no longer write...