I just ate four pickles. my stomach kills. Zero calories but the vinegar hurts my stomach. Eating was a stupid choice today. When I'm alone at night before I take my sleep aid the suicidal thoughts are at their worst. What I don't understand is that suicidal thoughts are not normal. I've always thought about killing myself... well since I was twelve and I realized how gross I was. How unlovable. I've thought about hurting that stupid little bitch I know he left me for. He denies it. But I felt it. I felt him wanting her and being drawn to her. I could hear it in his voice. I know he left me because he started feeling for her. I know he just got sick of my fat body. She's super fucking thin. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I will kill myself. There is no such thing as a good day. There are only the days I have to live in and every single one of them leaves me in the most debilitating pain without him. I know I don't have any readers so no one will miss me when I am gone. I can't cry right now. It's like the sadness is too deep. I can't cry. I just feel the pain. No release. Just trapped with these emotions.
The sleep aid is kicking in.
1 comment:
please don't kill your self dear :( You are amazing and God created you for a reason. Jesus died on the cross to pay the penalty of our sins because He wants us to spend eternity with Him in Heaven because He loves You and You are Special to Him. He is your Father, your Mother, You best friend and your God your Creator the one who loves you for you He loves everything about you i promise.
He has a purpose for our lives
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart."(Jeremiah 29:11-13)NIV
Please don't hurt your self .. I care i know i dont know you but you deserve to be set free
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