disordered disorder

So... there is something wrong with me. Something that I am barely starting to recognize. I like myself. I think I am pretty. I have an over-inflated idea of what I look like. I think I am slim and mini sized and pretty and fit well into my clothes. I have an Eliza Dushku type of personal self image. This self-image is what allows me to come off as confident when I meet someone in person. Then a photo is taken. Or I catch my reflection out in public. Or I see myself in a video feed displayed on a screen of some electronics store. The illusion of how I feel about the way I look is shattered. Ugly. Fat. I hate what I see. That can't be me. It can't. No. That fat disgusting blob has to be someone else. Then I evaluate how I have mostly female friends. The only people who compliment my appearance are women. I have no male prospects... ever. And I know its all true. I am that fat. I am that disgusting. And my self-esteem plummets. And I sink. I hate myself. I hate myself more and more until I start self-medicating and starving. And then I start to be okay with myself again... only to catch my reflection somewhere out in public and I hate myself all over again. What is the name for this disorder? The only way to fix it is to obviously lose weight, because I AM that fat. Mirrors and cameras don't lie. And neither does my lack of love life.  What the fuck is wrong with me  now and how many times can I keep  bouncing back  only to plummet before I have a severe mental collapse... because I feel one  coming on.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Anyone got any suggestions??