proud i can ever be of what i hate

I eat when I'm  alone. When I'm lonely. I hate my body. Dimples and fat. How can women be proud to be fat? Don't they know it's disgusting? Unsightly. Unhealthy. I am one of those fat people you hope to never be. Beauty is so much more than being thin, I hear. Not to me. Not ever.  As long as my stomach bulges and my legs touch I will always be a little bit ugly. I will never be truly beautiful. I hate eating. Coffee. Salad. Tea. No sugar. No milk. No cheese. Running. I need to rid myself of disgusting habits. I hate being ugly and alone.