team jacob

Watching Twilight. How typically feminine of me. Bought my first pack of ciggs in over a month. Makes sense - I'm at an all time fat. I have a pain in my lower back that I get when I eat too much and need to purge. I'm so pathetically alone. I've been attending church hence the absence of my blog entries. I've been getting to a better place emotionally which is why I'm settling at the 40+ pounds mark of my suggested body weight. Beth says I'd look gross and too skinny 50lbs thinner. Jealous bitch. I'm getting to be shifty again. Diet coke. Coffee. Ciggs. That's the life I want. Thin life. We'll see. I've been a colossal fuck up my whole life. Worked out for 1hr and 1/2 today. 2+hrs on Monday. I hate being a fat sack of shit.