loathe

I've been doing well. Until today. Cheese sticks. Four pieces of cheese (cheese and fruit box from Starbucks) apples. Lemonade. Beer. 2 Cocktails. Hotwings. Three donuts. I purged. I haven't wanted to cut this bad in a long time. I hate myself. I have work at 830am. I think I will cut after. My legs. Less obvious. I hate myself. I bought ativan. Maybe. Just maybe. I hate myself.  My life. My stupid fucking existance. Michelle always told me to hold on to Buffy. At least I have that. Well this episode is all teary eyed and what not. Ha. If only  it was real. The plot to end it has  begun. I'm going to  kill myself.