Day Old Hate - City & Colour
I starved on Wednesday. Like a good old fashioned starving. I had to weigh in on Thursday morning and knew I hadn't lost a pound. So... old tricks and what not. I lost 2 1/2 lbs. I was so stoked. These results awakened a sleeping giant. If I have only 200 cals every day and lose 2 lbs a day then in 50 days I will be thin. Fuck, a month would even work. I want to try this until I get to a more manageable weight. I know it's fucked, I know it's crazy, I know it's unhealthy. But I am so desperately sick of looking the way that I do. I have a number in my head, that I will quit at. The hunger hurts, fuck I know, but starving works. Fiona had a point. I am only going to eat when I am around people. So that means today and tomorrow I should be able to lose at least 4 lbs. Tomorrow I am going to the school library all day and I am going to get ahead of my assignments. When I did this last time, I was able to stave off hunger for a long time. I hate that I am this way. I hate being fat much much more. I have never been thin. Never. And I am fucking sick of it.
Me and my boyfriend are great. He is severely depressed. I don't know how to help him. He despises western medicine. All I can do is love him and be there for him.
This is the first time I have heard Turning Page, and felt a since of love and dewiness about anyone. I feel it about Dexter. God... I really fell for him. That feels ... amazing. Thank God for the silver lining.
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| those collar bones tho... |
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| the epitome of American beauty |
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| if this is fake I don't care |
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| looks like a different person |
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| yikes |
